Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
