My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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