no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
