my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
