drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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