we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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