next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize