Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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