tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
