Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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