I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
