Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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