they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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