He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
