oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
