Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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