I'm so fucking centered right now
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
