my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
