There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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