You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
