apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
