So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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