"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
