so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
