so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
