This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
