I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
