I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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