Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
