Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
