What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
