ya dads aren't the best wingmen
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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