VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
