here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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