If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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