i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
