How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Small penises have feelings too.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
