The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
