I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
