Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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