That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize