I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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