Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
