A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
