alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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