Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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