She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
