Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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