i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
