My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
