I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
is it fun? or sober?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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