Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
