he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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