yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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