I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
