is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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