I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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