im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
