Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
