He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
