I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
