your thong is hanging out like whoa
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
