First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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