Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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