Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
